Fathering Together

The vision of Fathering Together is to see an equitable world where fathers are engaged in the lives of their children. We do this by building virtual communities to support and challenge dads through diverse encounters, instilling a sense of belonging, and empowering them to see themselves as caregivers. We know from research that children who have fathers in their lives are more resilient, do better in school, and are less likely to make poor decisions. Every day in our virtual communities, however, dads show a lack of confidence and a lack of knowledge, which leads to a fear of being engaged with their children and instead resort to “just” being a breadwinner.

We are working to change this by re-educating dads. Through coaching and workshops, we translate job skills into family skills. For example, we get them to set 5-year goals for their “fatherhood” just like they would for their workplace. Through corporate partners, we set up “Dad” Employee Resource Groups to help build a work culture that recognizes men as fathers too. Finally, we elevate stories of positive and engaged fathers through our #DadChats, blog, and podcast to shift stereotypes as fathers as breadwinners to fathers as caregivers.

My daughter was born slightly jaundiced during a harsh winter. I felt powerless. Worse, I didn’t have any “dad” friends to help me process this. I struggled with postpartum depression and vowed to never let that happen to my friends. Fathering Together was born.

Our vision is simple. We want fathers to be engaged in their children’s lives. This means advocating for their children on school boards, creating gender inclusive workspaces, and championing access for children of minority backgrounds to have an equal chance at success.

We have to start with healing fathers, who aren’t connected to their emotions, who don’t know how to show vulnerability and whose default is competition rather than cooperation.

Currently, we have over 130,000 dads engaged in our virtual Facebook communities from over 100 different countries, and in 5 years, I want to see over 1 million with “chapters” in every country building community, hosting workshops to train dads to be emotionally intelligent, be stronger communicators, and stand up for their children in roles that have been traditionally only for moms. Then, we’ll begin to see universal policies for paid leave for all parents and work cultures that are better integrated with family life.

Imagine a world where fathers are fully invested in their families and have the emotional intelligence and communication skills to role model for children what healthy relationships can be. We are developing curricula and strategies to empower dads to do this. Through partnerships with organizations led by women/mothers, anti-gender violence organizations, people of color, and other allies, we seek to ensure fathers have the skills they need.

In the US, 1 in 4 children live without a father figure at home with children of color disproportionately represented. Fatherlessness is a serious issue that is not in the spotlight and this leads to increases in crime, poor mental health and self-images and domestic violence.

Our strategy is to first build communities of support enriched with resources and stories. Then we recruit “dad” coaches who hold peer-to-peer conversations, group classes, and trainings that translate professional skills to personal life. Through sharing stories and connecting on a father-to-father level, we hold one another accountable to our fatherly responsibilities and roles.

To illustrate, last year a dad posted a complaint about his wife and several older members reminded him of his duties as a husband and father without shaming him, but encouraging positive growth.

Due to the pandemic, our strategies to engage dads and grow our reach has been entirely virtual. Using social media platforms to share resources and stories, members crowdsource strategies to deepen engagement with their children and learn how to be better fathers.

We do have experts on staff, and we collaborate with other organizations to ensure misinformation is dispelled and scientific, and research-based resources are made available.

Until we are able to safely gather in person and host playdates, we will continue to utilize technology to connect dads from various backgrounds to help them grow and achieve success for their families.

Our strategy is working because our virtual communities continue to grow. Our Dads with Daughters group (est. 2018) is one of the largest fatherhood communities on Facebook. In 2019, we launched more groups (i.e. Dads with Sons, Sports Dads, Legal and Custody Issues, and Dads in Recovery). In 2020, we launched Dads for Gender Equity and Dads for Racial Equity. In 2021, we launched Indonesia Dads and are in conversation with dads in Ireland, Malawi, Nepal, and Pakistan to launch additional regional groups.

While our numbers are growing, our daily engagement ranges from 30-50% with a 30-day average reaching over 90% in our Dads with Daughters community.

In 2020, we established a Wellness Team to respond to cries for help (i.e. suicide ideation, depression, and economic hardship). In 2020, they responded to over 600 dads.

In 2021, we established #DadChats based on a demand from members to deepen connections. These are monthly zoom calls to share stories, empower healthy decision making, and build bridges across diverse backgrounds. To date, we’ve hosted 8 with an average attendance of 15 with over 400 dads on our waitlist. Our biggest challenge is finding times that work due to time zone challenges.